You won’t care about a single one as they stumble their way through the streets, screaming in darkness & saying “what’s going on?” over & over again. The characters are the worst, just horrible people with no personalities with some of the most cringe worthy accents you’ll ever hear. It’s fucking Cloverfield in the Middle East! It fact the most you’ll see are the occasional winged demon creatures & a brief blurry image of something huge in the distance. Eventually everything goes to hell, literally, as the gates of Hell open up & the Apocalypse begins. The movie drags its ass for so long I started to wonder if I was actually watching a horror movie. There they take it the sights, act like uncultured scumbags, have sex & remind you just how frustrating the found-footage genre is. They meet Kevin who likes to travel & is impressively persuasive as he talks them into taking a detour to Jerusalem. The pair are horribly obnoxious & instantly unlikeable. A spoilt rich woman who is going on the trip of a lifetime to Tel Aviv with her friend, Rachel. In an attempt to be original in a genre bogged down by a complete lack of effort, Jeruzalem’s found footage concept are the smart glasses (Google Glass) that the lead, Sarah wears throughout the movie.
Do not watch it, I beg you…don’t watch it. Jeruzalem is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, up there with The Wickerman Remake. It will turn you into a dribbling mess obsessed with sticking string cheese up your nose then eating it’. Remember that scene from Event Horizon where we see everyone going nuts? Or the opening scene from Wishmaster? That will happen to everyone you love if you watch this movie. ‘Viewer, if you would like to avoid your brain leaking out of your ears, if you don’t want to pull your own eyes out, if you don’t want to be made impotent then avoid this movie. If it had it would have read something like this: Jeruzalem (I have no idea why it is spelt with a Z) did not come with a disclaimer. Something like… ‘viewer warning, found-footage inside’ just so it’s not a horrible surprise when the film starts & you realise that you’re watching yet another vomit inducing, barely viewable pile of shite. Found-footage horror…are we still doing this?Īll these films should come with a disclaimer now, like the parental advisory, explicit lyrics sticker that would appear on album covers (remember those days?).
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